1. I resolve to update my Blog every day.
Well, unless I'm booking a West Coast tour. They're 3 hours behind, so I would be working until late into the evening, which leaves very little time to blog. Or if Resolution #4 works out. Or if I break Resolution #9. Ok, would you accept one blog post per week? I can do that...
2. I resolve to take on every author who needs me.
This will be a tough one. I really wish I could. Problem is, I'm a boutique firm and I only take on as many campaigns as I can handle. I love what I do and I love reading books. Nothing makes me happier than spending my time reading and getting authors the media coverage they deserve, but there are only so many hours in the day. Leaving me very little time for Resolution #4.
3. I resolve to NEVER take on a book campaign more than 3 months after the pub date.
Oh, your book came out 12 months ago and NOW you want to promote it? National shows like Oprah, The Today Show, 60 Minutes and 20/20 usually book three months BEFORE the publishing date. Your book that was gleaming and fresh and au courant 12 months ago is stale and tired. Oh wait... See Resolution #7.
4. I resolve to take a vacation this year!
I mean it this time! But... What if Oprah calls when I'm basking in the sun? Or hiking up the Swiss Alps? It's not so farfetched -- she did call one publicist who was in Sri Lanka when the tsunami hit. The publicist survived but her clients didn't. No one wants to hear excuses. Now that I think about it, maybe I’d better not take a vacation. Oh, who am I kidding? This is one resolution that I can't even pretend to make. Let's try again...
5. I resolve to take the GPS ankle bracelets off my clients.
It may be time to forgive and forget, but after I pulled out all the stops to get this guy on a national morning show and he went MIA, well, what options did I have? Hey, I have my reputation to consider. Hmmmm. Yeah, better cross this resolution off too.
6. I resolve to NEVER AGAIN agree to arrange a full five-city media tour in one day.
Sure, I did it, because I had to, and that’s why I’ve been told that I’m the Navy SEAL of Publicists. But since when did a Navy SEAL win a war in ONE day? I suppose Odysseus’ Trojan Horse won the war overnight, but that was more of a group effort. Then again, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
7. I resolve to start pampering the delicate egos of new authors.
"Oh, absolutely! Your textbook on derivatives and their relationship to Etruscan tax law is PERFECT for Oprah! You're going to make millions!"
8. I resolve to stop being frustrated by authors who tell me where they live, but nothing else.
Um, what's your book about? Who are you? What have you done? Your geographical location isn't newsworthy unless you live in Alaska and think you can see Russia from your backyard.
9. I resolve to avoid authors without hobbies.
Forty "Just checking in!" emails a day from one person is too many.
10. I resolve to stop taking on clients who brag about their net worth.
I know it's tempting, but the richer they say they are, the more they complain about having “cash flow problems,” especially when payment is due.